253am

By title alone this is going to be a bad post. Bad for anyone to read.  Hard for me to type and even worse by hte fact that Montgomery Gentry just came on the tv.  I by no means am a saint.  I have hurt those I love for far too long.  It is my desire to finally stop the pain.  That sounds scary as hell and it should.  Self inprovment is never an easy row to hoe. 

I finally have made a decision that I will no longer rely on others to fix whats wrong with me.  I need to be good with me and my choices again.  I was at one time but Why that changed I can't say.  No one deserves to be put through the shit I put myself through on a daily basis.  Im tired of the fights.  I'm tired of the anger that I havent been able to put behind me.  Im tired of living in the past and also tired of projecting so damn far out that I lose site of what I have to do today to get to tomorrow.

I have lost alot of great friends because I have been a stubborn asshole for far too long.  I give now.  My way isnt the best way.  There hase to be a better way of living than the living through chemistry that I have done to myself since I was tiny.  Today starts anew.  And because of that realization I will get better.

It will probably get dark as hell around here before all is said and done.  I will try to keep it light because I down want to linger in my sadness anymore.  The clean up process is going to be rough but I have the right people in place to give me a hand up and no longer a hand out.

If you don't hear from me for a few days don't worry too much. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel and this time its not a train.  So with all that said... log off the computer, walk your happy ass down to where your real frineds are and go catch some live, local, and loud music.  Support the artists that are out there.  Its not an easy life.


Thanks for reading.  May you have the best day you can and I will do the same.